Children are such strange creatures.
Paramount in their lives is retaining the love and approval of their parents. And any sort of attention will do – good, bad or indifferent – just so long as the focus us on them.
Virtually as soon as they can walk, if they think someone is usurping their place as the focus of your world, they will do their utmost to terminate the distraction – whether it’s a phone call, a household chore or a friend visiting for coffee.
Their conduct will become ever more aggravating, the longer it takes you to meet their needs.
Sadly, their tactics can become even more distressing as they start to reach young adulthood. As a result of the hormonal effects of becoming a teen , many children will indulge in self harm or deliberate violence as a cry for help.
Worse still, they will keep their eyes open to take advantage of any chinks in the parental armour.
If they realise that their parents are not totally as one when it comes to raising them, they will use that knowledge at every opportunity. They will use that weapon indiscriminately to get a rise out of their parents.
Purposefully playing their parents off against each other to achieve their own peculiar goals even if they can see that it is putting strain on their marriage.
But it is all about gaining physical reassurance that they are still loved and cherished.
If I have learned anything from the break-down of my own marital situation, it is that children need clear behavioural boundaries which are wrapped up in the certain knowledge that their parents love them above anything else.
They need to be cosseted and complimented and made to feel worthy whilst, simultaneously being shown that they are not the centre of the universe so that they can learn consideration and humility.
But both mother and father have to stick together when it comes to decisions over their upbringing even if it means privately agreeing to disagree. Both parents must stand firm in front of the child over appropriate behaviour and dealing with misconduct.
Being a responsible parent is a hard road but we owe it to our children to face up to any possible confrontations if we want them to become worthy and civilised members of society.